


Missing Time In False Loneliness

by TheAngstQueen (AyonixAnimations)



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: And with that tag you all already know where this is going, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bc there's a first time for everything and I can write non-angst guys I swear >->, Enderman Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Hybrid Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Hybrids, I think that's all the tags but I'll add more if they apply to the later chapters, It's only mature because of the way I describe the character death, Memory Loss, Minecraft Respawning is a thing, Not sure what hybrid Phil is he is just a wing boi lol, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Piglin Hybrid Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Quackity is there but he doesn't even speak, Ranboo-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade Hears Voices (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade's Chat - Character - Freeform, The Butcher Gang + Tommy are just in a flashback not the focus, This is just Phil adopting Ranboo let's be honest, Unreliable Narrator, but don't worry HE COMES BACK, graphic description of drowning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:54:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28638840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AyonixAnimations/pseuds/TheAngstQueen
Summary: ‘You can’t believe him. Don’t believe him. You know he’s the cause.’ Even as he tells himself that his heart races, the panic must be evident on his face. “You’re lying.”-----He didn't have friends anymore. Everyone on that page was a painful mockery of what he thought he had. He was wrong. 'You're a fool for trusting them. I can only trust myself. They hurt you. They hurt me. We have no one on our side.' He knew this was true.-----His eyes turn even more cold. Ranboo didn’t know that was possible. “Because I want you to feel the same way I did when I thought I could trust Techno and heshot a fucking firework into my chest!” Tubbo yells, his voice growing angry before he visibly relaxes. It’s terrifying how easily he does that.In which Ranboo doesn't know what he can't remember. His friends betray him. He has no one. He is alone. He loses everything and gains nothing.At least... that's what he thinks.
Relationships: Ranboo & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Technoblade & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 70
Kudos: 896





	1. The Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [In Which An Enderman Hybrid Acts Like An Enderman- Whoa... Crazy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28583025) by [TheAngstQueen (AyonixAnimations)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AyonixAnimations/pseuds/TheAngstQueen). 



> After everyone enjoyed "In Which An Enderman Hybrid Acts Like An Enderman- Whoa... Crazy" and it blew up, in my standards, I decided to write an actual fic for Ranboo since I enjoy his character so much. The idea/fic was started before L'manberg lost it's last canon life, but has changed very little since seeing the result of it's demise.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy, God I love writing Ranboo.

A boy sits on the sandy beach, heterochromatic green and red eyes watching the sway of the unnaturally still water in front of him. He moves the sand around him to keep his hands busy, feeling the grit get stuck under his nails. He blinks, glancing at where the sun is in the sky. It shines down on him from it's highest point and he makes a pointless mental note, one that he’ll forget later, of its position as he brings his hands into view.

There’s no sense of rush as the Ender hybrid picks the sand out from his nails. He didn’t have anywhere to be. In fact, he wasn’t sure he’d know even if there was. The book he’d come to instinctively know to check when he’s missing memories is lying further down the beach. It keeps coming back to him, the memory not quite leaving.

The memory of frantically flipping through the book only to find the majority of pages torn out. The memory of the pure terror that takes over when he looks at what the first page holds.

A smiley face.

It wasn’t in his own handwriting and he couldn’t remember who had written it, but he knew that whoever wrote it destroyed his memories. Destroyed him. Which is why he was sitting on this beach doing nothing, having thrown his book so he stopped looking at it for answers that weren’t there whenever his memory got fuzzy.

His thoughts are strangely silent for once instead of overwhelming him into panicking over the loss of memory and time.

He supposes he should make his way back to L’manberg, but he has no clue where he is. That will not stop him from trying though. It might start raining while he’s out and he isn’t too keen on the idea of waiting under a tree for hours when he could be warm in bed. He didn’t seem to have any of his armour on him, so that would be the only option. Having contact with water wasn’t dangerous until he was exposed to it for too long. He had to relate the feeling of water touching him to holding your hand over a fire, but with more of an electrified feeling then temperature. Only being half Enderman he wonders if it was worse for normal Enderman.

The teen stands up, glancing down at where he previously sat. There were words carved into the sand.

‘STAY HERE. DON’T LEAVE.’

The Enderman hybrid sighs loudly, knowing he probably wrote that himself. Maybe he should stop listening to what he’s said in the p-

“Ranboo!”

He’s startled by the voice and accidentally ends up teleporting a few feet from where he was standing, hand over his heart to calm it. A sense of deja vu runs over him. Hasn’t anyone told them that you’re not supposed to surprise an Enderman?

Regardless, he turns to look at the figure making its way over to him.

“Ranboo, are you alright?”

The voice is Dream, surprisingly.

Images of a smiley face flash in his mind for a moment making him wince. “Yeah, I guess. What are you doing here?”

“Well… what do you remember?”

Ranboo, being reminded of his name after hearing Dream shout it, doesn’t have as bad of a memory as people may think. Sure he may become lost every once in a while, but a glance at his book and he can remember countless things just from vague reminders. There are some instances where memories are truly lost and even if someone told him what had happened word for word, he won’t remember, but it’s not common. People often think he just completely loses most memories.

That’s Dream’s first mistake. Believing that Ranboo would forget everything that he’s done and see him as a friend, or forget that he blew up L’manberg today.

However, Ranboo wants to know where he’s going with this. “Not much.” Ever the actor he continues, looking down at the sand. “My book was somehow destroyed so I can’t recall anything. I remember…” He lets himself pause, thinking about what he could get away with remembering at this moment. “My house, in L’manberg. I remember moving some of my pets for some reason. I remember Nikki apologising to me this morning for yelling at me yesterday. I…” The hybrid trails off, furrowing his brows as he glances up at Dream. “I don’t remember much. I’m not even sure how I got here.”

That part is true. He isn’t sure when he had wandered away from L’manberg or his panic room and ended up sitting on this beach. He thought he’d be with the others as they mourned over the loss of their country.

The silence stretches between them. Despite Dream’s mask covering his face Ranboo still feels like he was making eye contact with him. The back of his neck prickles and he tears his eyes away from the mask, looking lower. A spark of anger flares up but Ranboo stubbornly pushes it down.

“So you don’t remember what happened today… or yesterday?” The concern in Dream’s voice makes him sound so genuine that Ranboo almost mistakes it for actual care.

Ranboo does remember what happened. Dream declared L’manberg’s doom yesterday and today Dream followed through. He lies. “No, my book,” he points to the leather sitting further down the beach where he’d thrown it in his frustration, “doesn’t have anything in it.”

Dream glances at the book before he sighs, a hand going to the back of his neck. He didn’t even realise the blond’s hood was down. “I’m not sure if I should tell you. Yesterday I blew up L’manberg with Technoblade… and today...” Dream trails off, his mask tilted to the side as he looks past Ranboo.

The Ender hybrid’s eyes widen. He was surprised Dream admitted to doing such a thing. He hadn’t remembered Techno was there as well- no wait… yes he did. He got his book back from Techno. The real one. Wait- the real one. The book on the beach was fake, it wasn’t the right one. Ranboo subtly looks in his inventory. The book was there. How had he not noticed?

“Ranboo?”

His attention snaps back to Dream. “Uhm. Yes. Yes, I’m listening, you uh- blew up L’manberg today?”

The masked man shakes his head. “No, I blew it up _yesterday._ Or I guess it was throughout last night and this morning.” He shifts on his feet, and suddenly Ranboo feels like something is wrong. Dream is nervous. “Today you… your so-called _friends_ put you on trial for being a traitor and you,” Ranboo feels the eyes beyond the mask staring into his again, “you were executed, Ranboo.”

The hybrid’s first instinct is to scoff, but he reminds himself that he’s trying to trick Dream into thinking he doesn’t know anything. Something sounds painfully familiar with his words. _‘What does he mean?’_ “What?” His voice sounds quieter than he meant.

“L’manberg, the people, since the nation doesn’t exist anymore, put you on trial for being a traitor and found you guilty. They executed you as a result. It’s what happens to the traitors in L’manberg- they’re killed.”

Dream sounds serious. Ranboo understands he has to be a master at manipulation because of what he did to… _‘To who?’_ Tommy. What he did to Tommy. He can’t believe this man. _‘You can’t believe him. Don’t believe him. You know he’s the cause.’_ Even as he tells himself that his heart races, the panic must be evident on his face. “You’re lying.”

There’s a sigh. “I’m not lying- look.” Dream reaches up and pulls his mask up so it no longer covers his face. 

Ranboo has never seen Dream without his mask, and he doubts many others have either. The freckles that dot the blond’s cheeks reminded him of his own. There’s a scar from some kind of blade trailing up the left side of his face. It must have hurt. He glances up at emerald green eyes before flinching at the eye contact, averting them and closing his own out of instinct. For the second time now, Ranboo pushes away the instinctual anger at the action.

“Ah, I forgot you were… sorry.” Dream apologises, voice quiet.

Ranboo opens his eyes again. “It’s alright, it doesn’t bother me too much, just as long as I’m expecting it and it’s not for a long time.”

Dream nods. “I took off my mask because I want you to see. _Trust me._ ” The blond almost looks desperate. “I’m not lying to you, please believe me. I saw them do it. The war was yesterday and your execution was today, it’s the 7th.”

Now that Ranboo was expecting it, he looks into Dream’s eyes, the prickle on the back of his neck going ignored as he searches. There was nothing. No hesitation or deceit. Dream was… he was telling the truth.

 _‘No! He has to be lying, they are your friends, they care about you!’_ Panic grips his mind. He thought he was getting the upper hand on Dream, but it turns out he’d been missing the entire day’s events. “No…” Ranboo takes a take back, his head reeling as his breathing spirals out of control. _‘You forgot again. I remember, they chose a side. They think we’re a traitor- no no I’m n- You are because they chose L’manberg. L’manberg the nation that’s gone. Because of us. We did this- that’s why they wanted to kill you. I’ve known it from the start that they were going to kill you because of what you did. But I didn’t do anything! I helped Techno because he was our friend! I don’t care about L’manberg and who’s on it’s newest list of enemies! I just- You can’t remember-’_

“Ranboo! Relax, just breathe.” Dream’s voice breaks through his hectic thoughts, worry plain on his face. “You’re blaming yourself for something you didn’t do. It was Tommy’s fault L’manberg was destroyed.”

 _‘Did I say all of that out loud?’_ He thinks before he squeezes his eyes shut. “Why then?!” He felt nauseous. “Why did they pick sides?! If they hadn’t done that then this never would have happened, _any_ of it!” He staggers backwards a few steps, greedily taking in gulps of air. His lack of oxygen doesn’t stop him from rambling in his blind panic. He knew what a panic attack felt like, having far too many recently, but awareness didn’t stop them from happening. “How can they not realise that the real threat is-!” He gets cut off from the spray of a wave crashing against the shore and misting onto his skin. He flinches sharply, more from shock than actual pain.

Suddenly memories flash through his mind.

_“No- wait! I swear I had no choice!” The hands gripping his wrists don’t let up, dragging him forward despite his efforts to stop them._

_The cold glare of azure eyes hurts, a pressure in his head telling him to fight back, but he can’t, look away, but he doesn’t. He refuses. “You had every choice Ranboo. I asked for your loyalty and you couldn’t give that to me.”_

_Tears sting his cheeks as they fall. He knew how this was going to end, he saw them do the same thing to Technoblade, and his friends of all people were doing it to him. “I gave **you** my loyalty, not L’manberg! I shouldn’t have to stop talking to Techno just because your country hates him!”_

He can vaguely feel himself gasping for air, his hand gripping his shirt.

_“Here’s the problem with your sides Ranboo,” Fundy says from his position at his side, being one of the two practically dragging Ranboo to their destination. “You only think about yourself. You may do something for a friend, and they do something for you, but if they’re ever in trouble you wouldn’t help them? What if another friend of yours was hurting them? What would you do then? If you pick neither that’s a side that betrays them both. If you pick one, you betray the other by taking their side. If you pick both then they’re both betrayed by you helping the other side. Where the hell is your logic in your ideals Ranboo?”_

_Ranboo doesn’t reply. He didn’t have to justify his want to be helpful to everyone. It’s then that the hybrid realises they’re walking past the crater of L’manberg, where he originally thought they were going to kill him. Then where were they headed?_

_It hits him seconds later._

_The docks._

_“No no no NO **NO!** ” Ranboo struggles more against his captors, the other being Quackity. Despite him being taller than both, they’re stronger than he remembers. “Don’t do this! Not this way please- anything but this!”_

_Tommy, who had been unnervingly quiet, didn't seem completely informed on what was happening. “What’s he talking about Tubbo? Where are we going?”_

_“Ranboo’s execution will be by drowning.” He said that like it hadn’t even mattered._

_“You know that’s not what will happen!” Ranboo yells, desperate. “You **know** that I’m half Enderman and I'll die from the water before I even have the chance to drown! Even Techno when he massacred dozens of people during the first festival didn’t get this kind of execution, so why are you doing this to me?” A sob tears itself from his mouth and he gives up on struggling against the two. He’s terrified, of course, he is, but he refuses to go down showing it._

_They reach the docks before he gets his response. As Quackity and Fundy tie his hands and ankles together, positioned at the edge of the platform Tubbo looks at him. “Because you chose to be friends with Techno after hearing about what he did to all of us.” His eyes turn even colder. Ranboo didn’t know that was possible. “Because I want you to feel the same way I did when I thought I could trust Techno and he **shot a fucking firework into my chest!** ” Tubbo yells, his voice growing angry before he visibly relaxes. It’s terrifying how easily he does that. “That’s the man you decided to make friends with Ranboo. A murder.”_

_Tommy finally speaks up. “So you’re going to end up just like him, Tubbo? Killing Ranboo in the most sadistic way you can think of just because Techno was pressured into taking your life months ago?” This was the same boy who was just yelling a few hours ago how he still didn’t forgive Techno for the same exact thing. “This isn’t like you man, what happened to having a fair trial?”_

_“I don’t know if you noticed Tommy but there isn’t exactly a nation anymore.” He turns to the hybrid. “Ranboo, you are hereby declared guilty for providing aid to a known terrorist of the country. Do you have any last words?”_

_Ranboo knew it was over. Tubbo was going to go through with this regardless of what Tommy or even the others say if they were brave enough to stand up to a tyrant of a destroyed nation. Ranboo lets himself speak his mind since it was likely the last time he’d see them, and for the first time, give into his hostile nature. “Sure. I find it funny-” He can’t help a mocked laugh, full of malice. His fear fuels his anger easily. “Actually- hilarious, that your best friend standing there did the same thing as me yet I don’t see you jumping at the chance to execute him, and certainly not in the most painful way I could think of. Oh wait- doesn’t he only have one life left? And if I remember correctly Mr Ex-President, you only have one as well.” Tubbo’s cold facade breaks slightly, looking worried, or maybe upset at the mention of Tommy’s lives, Ranboo isn’t sure. Ranboo doesn’t give him the chance to reply. These were his last words, not Tubbo’s. “You’re cruel Tubbo, and you three over there are cowards for not standing up to him. This is not justice and you all know this, you especially Tommy. I thought of you all as friends until you decided to, not only kill me but do it like this. You don’t even have L’manberg anymore yet you’re still doing this. For what?” Ranboo realises how tired he suddenly sounds. “For… **what?** You can’t get at Techno so you’re going to come after me? He doesn’t care about me as much as you all think and you should rethink your strategy. Techno isn’t even important yet you waste so much of your energy on him when your real target should be Dream. That man has all the power and causes most of the suffering on this server, so why the hell can’t you all see that? Instead, you’re over here executing me because of a grudge that a dead nation has.”_

_Ranboo sighs heavily at most of their shocked expressions, Tubbo still keeping a straight face. “Just get this over with. It will be painful enough, I’ve rather not be in your presence longer than I have to.”_

_The words came so easily even if they were lies. He was nearly ready to beg for his life if Tubbo showed any sign of hesitating. But… he didn’t. This was going to happen. Some part of him was angry at this, and it was so much easier to feel anger than fear._

_“Tubbo we really shouldn’t-”_

_A voice yells in the distance. “What the hell are you all doing?!”_

_At the sound of the familiar voice, Tubbo pushes Ranboo, the hybrid snapping his eyes shut as he slipped into the waves._

_Through the rush of water, he could hear muffled yelling, but it was difficult and pointless to focus on when his skin was being eaten away by the liquid surrounding him._

_Ranboo doesn’t want to struggle. He wants it to be over, but his body refuses to give him that chance. It burns, and he writhes against his bonds. The pain rips a muffled scream from his mouth, sounding more Ender than anything a human could make. He opens his eyes, seeing the surrounding water tainted with his blood, nearly black in colour._

_It felt worse than he thought it would._

_The water ate away at the inside of his throat after he screamed, inhaling the poison. He felt as if his skin was slowly being picked off by each molecule, pained cries drowned out._

_It’s not a quick death by any means, and every second was filled with agonising pain. He briefly wonders if it would have been faster had he not been a hybrid before the pain takes over every sense._

_He doesn’t want to remember this. He doesn’t want to remember dying this way. Mind fractured against the acidic poison destroying him. He doesn’t want to remember. He doesn’t want to-_

_Ranboo gasps, sitting up in a bed. His breathing is quick, taking in the refreshing air as he blinks, vision coming into focus. He looks down at himself, though he’s not entirely sure why he’s surprised he’s okay at first._

_A searing pain suddenly hits him and he bites the inside of his cheek to stifle a scream. He’s laying back down. He’s losing time. His hands grip the sheets so hard they tear slightly. There was water surrounding him, suffocating him. How long had he been here? There was no water, he was in one of Eret’s guest rooms. ‘But there was.’ His mind supplies. The pain stops as abruptly it has started and he lets out a shaky breath, sharp gasps still being his main way of breathing._

_What the hell was that?_

_His mind reminds him of the agonising execution. ‘Phantom pain from your previous death can last hours.’ Great._

_Ranboo has the sudden realisation that the people who just executed him are just on the other side of the nation, merely a few minutes away, and they’d probably be looking for him. They knew he set his respawn point in one of the many rooms Eret offered to everyone after the destruction of the nation. Ranboo gets up, biting back pained noises from the aftershock. He had to leave before they came back and did something else to him, who knows how long he took to respawn. He couldn’t go through that again._

_Ranboo stumbles out of the room, lost on where to even go. He couldn’t risk walking towards L’manberg’s ruins and running into the group. So he doesn’t. He needs to find an ender chest._

_He finds a chest in one of the towers making up the wall around the castle and breathes out a sigh of relief, but not relaxing in the slightest. He opens the ender chest, pulling out his sword and his diaries, quickly shoving them into his inventory. He grabs some food from one of the random chests before painstakingly forcing himself out of the tower. His limbs still felt like they weren’t connected to his body as he made his way to the outskirts of the territory._

_The aftershock of his death was still affecting him, and his vision wavered as he reached the bordering forest. His body occasionally felt like he was back under the water and he has to stop every time it hits him._

_This was taking too long._

_He needed to get away from those people he’d mistaken called friends as quickly as possible._

_Ranboo closes his eyes. “I’ll take the risk. Go to hell L’manberg.”_

_In a flash of purple particles, the hybrid is gone._

When Ranboo fully comes back to himself, having practically re-lived his memory, he is doubled over, his breathing shaky and fast. _‘What the fuck.’_ He can’t help but think. He’s never recovered his missing memories like that.

“This is exactly why I thought it was a bad idea to tell you. Are you okay?”

When Dream takes a step forward Ranboo hisses, static filling the air. _**“D̸̬͔̭̱̠̔̀̓ò̷͈̟̒̓̂̓͝n̵͕͉͋̋̽͘’̴̡̅̎t̷̘̺̆̈ ̴̧̹͍͖͜͝c̷͉͑ȏ̵̰̓͑m̸̛̖̗̭̳̟͒͑̇́͛è̵̗͌̄ ̵͖̺̋͋ă̴͚̒̂͗͊̕ň̶͍̔̾y̶̖͛͊̈́̄̄̇ ̷̨͓̠̳͎̀̆͑͘c̶͍̻̗̓͗̏̒͘l̴̦̘̑̃̈́ó̷͎̯̮̖̪͎š̵͎̯̈́͛͑̓͘e̴̢̢̜̘͙͙̓̓̒̌͘̚ȓ̷̝̍͛̆.”**_ He didn’t want this green bastard anywhere near him when he was like this. He feels too vulnerable, without armour and unable to control the phantom sensations of drowning running through his body.

Dream raises his hands, looking slightly taken off-guard. Ranboo’s eyes must have shifted to the typical Enderman colour, magenta. It happened when he was pissed off. “Okay- Okay I won’t.”

Ranboo takes the silence that follows to try to calm his breathing but it’s just not working. He’s too shaken up by the realisation he died for the first time. _‘You literally died the worst way your species can, of course, you’re freaking out’_ He rationalises. But like he’s always known, knowledge of being in the middle of a panic attack does nothing to stop it.

The static filling the silence dies down and he can only assume he’s eyes have returned to normal when Dream relaxes slightly.

“Your friends betrayed you.”

_‘Stop.’_

“They’re looking for you right now to kill you.”

 _‘Shut up that’s-’_ Ranboo isn’t sure anymore. _‘They never cared about you. They only cared about their stupid country. When they were given the chance to choose me they didn’t. They didn’t. They didn’t. They chose L’manberg even when the damn thing was gone.’_

“I can keep you safe until they stop, or even longer if you want.”

 _‘We’ve heard this before, don't listen to his lies. But he’s not lying. You can’t- We can’t trust him. He hurt Tommy. Tommy isn’t our friend anymore. He isn't **your** friend anymore. He watched as Tubbo **killed** you, in a twisted sense of justice. How is that your friend?!'_ Ranboo flinches at how he raises his inner voice at himself.

Dream is surprisingly a patient man, waiting as Ranboo's mind tears itself apart instead of trying to force a response. "Earlier you said you're sick of sides. I'm not on one."

 _'He has a point. Unlike everyone else on this damn server. No no, I can’t think like that I’ll tear us apart. So what do I do? We can’t just refuse him, this is Dream. He won’t hesitate to kill us. But he did. What? He did hesitate because you’re not already dead. He wants you for some reason. Yeah because now that Tommy is gone he’s out of tools. I refuse to be the tool of someone like Dream. If I… ended up…’_ Ranboo stops his thoughts, squeezing his eyes shut. “I…”

“Get the fuck away from him, Dream.”

The hybrid’s eyes dart towards the voice. The familiar look of green and grey should make him relax, but it doesn’t.

Dream puts his mask back on as Phil raises his sword towards him, threatening any move he makes. Dream seems to understand the threat and doesn’t move other than watching Phil’s movements when Phil walks over to Ranboo. He stands between Dream and the Ender hybrid, grey wings flared out from his sides.

“Are you alright?” His voice is low and Ranboo can see the rage in his eyes, directed specifically at Dream.

 _‘Why is he here? He hates you doesn’t he? Just like the rest of them. He doesn’t care.’_ “For the most part.” He says, confusion evident in his tone. Dream hasn’t done anything to him, but he can still vaguely feel what it was like when the water surrounded him.

_‘Water?’_

“How did you know I was here?” Dream asks, curiousity in his voice, but there’s a dark undertone to the question.

“I saw you watching the execution.” 

_‘Phil was there? Did he let them-’_

“When Ranboo went missing and I realised you were gone too, it didn’t take a lot to figure out that you’d be looking for him.” Phil does some kind of motion but Ranboo can’t focus on the movement, vision starting to blur. “So we all came looking for him.”

The world fades into faint static and Ranboo’s thoughts quickly consume him.

 _‘He doesn’t care. He doesn’t care. He wanted to find us to bring me back to the others. They want to kill you. Phil isn’t your friend. He’s just like our other friends. Not a friend. No, he is your friend. No no- he is, he is. He said so He lied to us. We can’t trust him just like you can’t trust the others. Betrayal. They killed you.’_ “Ranboo?” _‘He wants to do the same. Dream- they hurt- he lies- trust no one. No one. No one. Not your friends. They’ll kill us here and now. You have to run. We have to. Run. Run. Run run run runrun run runrunrun.’_

“Ranboo!”

The shout shocks him out of his thoughts. When did he end up on the ground, curled in on himself? Why is it so hard to breathe? Why is Phil not killing him? Why, why why why? He didn’t understand. Where had Dream gone?

He is still on the ground, chest heaving as he struggles to gain control. He’s drowning. He is drowning all over again. He can’t breathe. The water is surrounding him. Burning him.

“Ranboo stay here with us mate.” The blond looks worried, and the Ender hybrid realises that he’s trying to ground him. 

As soon as he recognises the person knelt in front of him the words tumble out of his mouth. “You hate us, Phil. Why are you trying to help me? We can barely remember why. They betrayed us- but I betrayed them first it’s only fair-”

“It’s absolutely not!” Phil interrupts. The Ender hybrid looks up at him in shock, thoughts pausing. “What they did to you was awful, no one deserves that no matter what they did. I don’t know how you think you betrayed them, but Tubbo went way too far regardless.”

“He’s gone insane more like. The power of the presidency turned him into another person entirely.” Techno says and he startles Ranboo slightly, not even realising the pink-haired hybrid was there. He was glaring off into the forest for some reason.

The Ender hybrid’s breathing finally starts to slow as he focuses on the blond’s words.

Phil nods and continues. “I’m not sure what’s going on or where you got that idea Ranboo, but I definitely don’t hate you. I make my enemies very obvious.”

That is… comforting. Where did Ranboo get that idea from? He sits up, glancing at the book along the beach.

“Do you need it?”

He looks at Phil, the curiousity, relief, and concern all clear on the blond’s face. See that’s what was different about Dream. Now that Ranboo’s head is a bit clearer he realises that he ultimately knew Dream was lying the entire time. His face only showed one emotion at a time, like he wasn’t actually feeling them despite how real they looked. 

He’s gotten distracted, Ranboo realises, but Phil doesn't seem to mind. “No… it’s uh-” Ranboo tries to remember what’s wrong with the book. “Not the real one.” At the mention of that and Phil's confused expression, Ranboo pulls the actual diary out of his inventory, skimming through the pages. Everything seemed to be there. The pages with his friends on it wasn’t mockingly blank as it had been in the other book. Unfortunately, now it was mocking him with the names of people who he thought he could trust but can’t anymore. “This is the real one. Dream was the one who gave the fake one to me- I think.”

“So he’s been planning this for a while,” Techno speaks up again. He doesn’t seem to talk much. Without much warning he turns around and walks over to Ranboo, looking slightly intimidating as always. He holds his hand out to the Ender hybrid. “Can you stand? We need to move.”

He can finally breathe normally again, and the phantom pain of his execution isn’t pressing against his skin anymore. He accepts the help to stand and does so shakily. He wonders how long he’d been hunched over there. “Where are we going?”

Phil stands with him and chuckles, almost nervously. “Well, we were hoping you’d come with us. Tubbo and the others won’t hunt you down but I doubt you want to go back, and Dream apparently has an eye out for you. The safest place is with us.”

He didn’t see why not. “Okay,” Ranboo says simply. He has nothing against it and he feels like he owes Phil and Techno somewhat for helping him. He knows his friends would be upset if they found out he was with Techno again but… Ranboo glances down at his wrist. Only visible to him was two small hearts pressed against the skin. _‘They aren’t your friends anymore. No, they’re not.’_

Techno pulls him out of his thoughts. “Is there anything you need to grab before we go?”

The book. It didn’t matter if it was a fake, he still wrote in it. “Uh… just a second.” He’s about to start making his way over to where he threw the book before he turns to the two watching him. “Do either of you have a flint and steel?”

Phil wordlessly hands him one and Ranboo thanks him before moving on with his plan, walking down the beach. He threw it further than he thought, taking several seconds to get over to it.

Ranboo picks up the book and opens it once more, eyes pausing on the smiley face on the first page for longer than necessary. He takes a deep breath and closes the book. _‘It’s not important. It’s just the memory of how they betrayed you.’_ He can agree with that. He holds the flint and steel up to the book and lights the corner on fire. Once the flames take to the paper and start to spread, he sets it back down in the sand, taking a few steps back. Something is calming about the way the fire grows as it consumes the pages.

The hybrid walks back over to the two. “Alright, I’m ready. My gear is in an ender chest and I’m sure you have one of those.”

Techno nods and the three start their trek back to the cottage in the arctic.

Despite the events over the last few days, Ranboo has a feeling things aren’t going to be so bad for much longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was really touched by Tubbo's speech to Quackity on the fact that killing Ranboo was just repeating history, and he refused to become Schlatt, but I still decided to kill him anyway ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> I'm still surprised this ended up longer then Devoid of Stars (being 5,549 words). I thought I enjoyed writing that, but then this came along.


	2. The Truth and Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ranboo has questions and some get unexpected answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry, this was not supposed to take 9 days to write, I'm not sure why writer's block hit me so hard during this chapter.
> 
> This chapter is a rollercoaster so I hope you enjoy.

The passage of time is confusing. Ranboo remembers arriving at Techno and Phil’s house and sitting down. He remembers Techno telling him about why he moved out there, in the cold when he was so used to the heat from the nether. It had gotten late. After that it gets fuzzy. Phil had made them some tea, but Ranboo can’t recall if he drank it all yet. _‘Does that make you rude? What if-’_

“Ranboo, just go to bed.” A voice says softly, a teasing tone on the cusp of it.

Ranboo opens his eyes, mind sluggishly pulling him to have a bit more awareness. He glances at Phil who was drinking out of his mug, eyes closed in contentment, the blond isn’t even looking in his direction. Right, he keeps dozing off. “Sorry, this whole day has been a blur.” He slurs, his voice not quite cooperating with him. “How did you know I was awake?” He didn’t even realise he was awake.

“You talk out loud to yourself sometimes. That, and I noticed you continuously drifting off quite a long time ago, head bobbing and all, I’m surprised you didn’t give up and go to bed already.”

The words are out of his mouth before he can process what they are or if he should be saying them. “Sorry, panic and anxiety attacks are exhausting. I haven’t had so many happen on the same day in a long time.” Ranboo blinks, his awareness coming back even more as realises what he just told Phil. He hadn’t told anyone of his anxiety before, or of how prone to attacks he is, and how frequently he has them.

Phil just hums, his mellowed reaction quickly soothing the slow stirring whirlpool of thoughts. “I can understand. Techno used to have them a lot when he was younger.”

Ranboo spots the mentioned hybrid sitting on the couch, having uncharacteristically dozed off as well. “Techno did?” He doesn’t seem like the kind of person to be affected by things like that.

The older smiles fondly. “Yeah, I’ve known him for a long time. When he was young Chat used to drive him crazy.”

“Chat?” They didn’t sound familiar. Are they someone he forgot or someone he didn’t know?

“It’s better if he told you himself tomorrow. Go to bed, Ranboo, you need the rest.”

Ranboo doesn’t even try to protest.

* * *

“Phil told me that you should be the one to tell me who Chat is?” Ranboo asks it like a question because he genuinely doesn’t want to piss off Technoblade, and he’s not sure how sensitive of a topic it is if Phil couldn’t tell him, himself.

The piglin hybrid stops walking, the two of them carrying things to the neighbouring village for more emeralds, not that they were needed, it was just something to be done. Ranboo wants to immediately take the comment back but before he can, Techno continues. “There’s no reason not to tell you it’s just... hard to grasp.”

Ranboo nods. “Okay.”

“When I was pretty young I was basically blessed, I guess you’d call it. I was good at fighting, and someone noticed. I had gotten myself into some trouble and I was given a deal, I could fight someone insanely tough or die. Pretty obvious which one I chose. When I told them I’d fight they didn’t expect me to survive, I was just a good challenger for the man who wanted to kill me. No, needed to kill me.” Techno sighs, looking distantly annoyed at something. “I wasn’t sure why he seemed so off until after I killed him. I was blessed by the Blood God. I had defeated his champion and he took me as his new one. When I became his vessel there were suddenly hundreds… maybe thousands of voices in my head. All screaming blood for the Blood God-” Techno cuts himself off and winces. “Blood for the Blood God.”

The Ender hybrid has this strange urge to repeat the phrase but he holds himself back. Techno looked like something was bothering him. “Are you okay?”

Techno sighs again, he does that a lot Ranboo notices. “Yeah, just a slight headache but I’m used to it. The voices never went away, speaking to me all the time. Anytime I’m in a fight they’ll get bloodthirsty and chant that phrase. They’ll do it when their God is mentioned as well, even if I’m not in a fight, like right now. Chat quiet down please, I’m in the middle of something.”

That didn’t sound fun. “Are they always like that?”

“Nah, they’re usually not so bad. They can be helpful, or annoying, it really depends on the situation.”

Ranboo doesn't have another question, for now, content to let his brain absorb the information while they continue towards the village. It was in sight now, only a few minutes more.

The silence between then is comfortable, both of them just taking in the scenery. Ranboo decides to ask another question as it comes to him. “A while ago Tommy told me… about the first festival when Tubbo was executed…” He wants to tread lightly because he can see the way Techno tenses at the mention of it. “Tubbo said you told him it was peer pressure or something… Was the reason you did it, Chat?” A second of silence passes and Ranboo has definitely overstepped. _‘Why would you ask him such a thing? It’s obvious he doesn’t want to talk about it. He probably hates you now. Why are we so-’_

His thoughts are interrupted… again. It seems to be happening a lot more recently. Techno had reached over and placed his hand on Ranboo’s head. “Hey, don’t stress over it too much, I don’t hate you. You were only asking questions.” Before Ranboo can ask how Techno knew, the hybrid retracts his hand. “Phil was right, you speak out loud sometimes.”

 _‘That’s embarrassing.’_ “Ah…” Ranboo turns his gaze to the village. “I don’t mean to. I don’t even realise half the time, but… even when I’m not speaking out loud you and Phil seem to always know when I start panicking...”

Techno chuckles at that. “You’re not the only one who’s dealt with things in your head, kid, it takes one to know one. And while I hate to admit it, the answer to your question is yes. Even I’m weak to the voices in my head sometimes.”

And Ranboo doesn’t ask for clarification. They both knew what it was like.

* * *

Ranboo can’t sleep, staring into the ceiling. He’s not sure if because he’s unfamiliar with his surroundings still after a week, or if it’s the snowfall that’s pressed against the house. It was painfully quiet. He can barely hear the wind when it picks up and there was no crack of firewood from downstairs either.

The snow was slow but heavy. He hopes Phil is okay with this weather. When Ranboo couldn’t sleep before he always found Phil downstairs, sitting in front of the fireplace with a cup of tea, and an extra one for him, as if Phil knew about his sleeping trouble. However, Phil isn’t downstairs watching the fire like usual or in bed. Ranboo figures he had left, it is the only reasonable option, but he can’t remember the reason and it isn’t written in his book anywhere. It can’t be easy to travel in this weather, so hopefully, Phil is inside already, or the weather isn’t as bad.

The Ender hybrid sighs heavily, throwing an arm over his face. It’s late, and he just wants to sleep. _‘But you can’t. Very helpful observation there.’_ Ranboo holds back a groan, annoyed with his thought process. _‘Okay, there has to be an actual reason we can’t sleep. Snowstorm? You can barely tell it’s snowing, let alone be bothered by it. Too warm? Or cold? It feels fine. Not tired? No, I’m exhausted, I would give anything to sleep right now. **Even your life?’**_ Ranboo sits up in a slight panic. Where did that come from? _‘_ ** _Would you even give your life to sleep right now? Be careful about your answer, you only have two left._** _'_ The hybrid blinks. _‘Two? That’s not right, there’s more. **Wrong.** We’re forgetting again. Again? No, that’s impossible. You remember major events, something like that would be impossible to forget. **You already have once before and we both know that if you don’t want to remember you won’t.** ’_ This is different from Ranboo’s usual straying thoughts. This feels wrong. It sounds off. _‘ **When the nation was destroyed do you know what you said then? That you didn’t want to remember. You knew there was a way** -There is a way- **but you chose not to. How do you know that you didn’t choose to forget other things?** ’_ Ranboo shakes his head. _‘No, I wouldn’t have, just like I didn’t for L’manberg. There’s an easy way to prove it. Just look. Stop being afraid.’_

The Enderman hybrid closes his eyes against his own thoughts. “Just look,” Ranboo repeats, before he points his gaze towards his wrist. Two small hearts stared back at him. At first, he can’t process what he’s seeing. “What..?” 

_‘ **I told you.** ’_

_‘No. I don’t remember, this isn’t possible. How could I have forgotten how I lost my first life?’_ Ranboo gets out of bed with shaky movements and snatches his memory book off his nightstand. He flips the pages urgently but finds nothing. The page before he arrived here, and after L’manberg’s demise is completely blank. _‘Why didn’t I write it down?! **You didn’t want to remember.** You could have at least written down that you lost your life, not necessarily how it happened if it was so bad. **Oh, it was.** ’_ Ranboo is almost afraid to ask. _‘How… did I…? **I don’t want to know.** ’_ The hybrid flinches at how the thought changes. _‘ **Don’t ask me that. I don’t want to know. You don’t want to remember.** ’_ This was different than before. _‘Who are you? **I’m you.** But you’re not.’_ His thoughts don’t reply and Ranboo panics. He didn’t have time for this, anxiety gripping him. His memory is off and he needs to set it right.

 _‘If I forgot my own death what else have you forgotten?’_ He can’t help but pace a few steps back and forth. His mind races as he tries to recall anything. _‘ **The community house. You blew that up for Dream.** What? That’s not something I’d- We would never do something like that!’_ He shakes his head, breathing erratic as he denies the action. _‘ **Oh… but you did. How can you say you aren’t that kind of person when you don’t even remember who you are?** No. Get out of my head, you’re lying. I can’t remember. My memory is… We can’t- We can’t remember it. It wasn’t us. We wouldn't’_ Hot tears sting Ranboo’s cheeks as he gasps for air. _‘ **How can you say that… when you don’t recognise me?** ’_

He’s moving downstairs and out the front door before he can even register the invasive feeling of needing to escape. The cold bites at him, but he can’t even think about it as he stumbles out into the storm.

_‘ **You can’t run from yourself.** ’_

“I can try!” Ranboo yells, desperation in his voice as he trudges through the snow. It was deep, but not enough to stop him. The falling flakes stuck to his hair, and he could barely see in front of himself, but it didn’t matter. “You can’t do this to yourself! I don’t care! I can’t trust myself. I can’t remember anything, so how do you know you aren’t a horrible person? It never would have been written in our book if we did.” The hybrid stops, trying to catch his breath, but the panic flowing through him makes it impossible. “I don’t know who I am. I don’t know what I’ve done.”

_‘ **Do you want to?** ’_

There’s a pain in his head and Ranboo grasps it, falling to his knees. “I don’t know.”

_‘ **Make up your mind.** You want to remember or we don’t. You can’t want to forget when it’s convenient and then cry about not remembering when you made the decision.’_

“Yes…” He whispers but still conflicted. “I want to know.”

_“Are you ready Ranboo?”_

_The hybrid looks at the man with the porcelain mask. The smile is almost haunting, but he doesn’t feel any fear. “You sure we should be doing this? I thought this was the oldest building on the server, don’t people care about it?”_

_Dream shrugs. “It’s not like it’ll be gone forever, we’re just remodelling it. I don’t see how people could be upset with that, do you?”_

_Ranboo never had an attachment to places before, he thought they were pointless. “Well, no.”_

_The blond smiles. “Then let’s do this.”_

_TNT is placed in Ranboo’s hands and he looks at the old building in front of him. “Just… helping someone out.”_

Ranboo winces, gasping in the pain that invades his mind. “I couldn’t have been stupid enough to help Dream! I know he’s a terrible person.” _‘ **But we don’t take sides.** Remember? **Remember?** Yes. **But you didn’t then.** ’_

_“I can’t believe I just did that. Are you stupid?! Of course, it was a trick!” Ranboo’s running alongside the coast. “It’s not like we forgot he’s a manipulative bastard, look what he did to Tommy! Look what he’s done to us.” He reaches the obsidian walled room in record time, breathing a small little sigh in relief. “We can’t tell anyone about this. We have to forget. You hate forgetting. I know! We have no other choice.” Ranboo mines out the wall, placing a chest and what little TNT he still had left within it. He blocks it back up with no remorse. “We will forget, but you have to remember one thing.” He places a sign on the wall. “Dream is the reason.”_

“I thought I placed that beforehand, a long time ago when I first built the panic room.” The hybrid shakes his head. _‘_ ** _That’s what you wanted yourself to think._** _’_ His thoughts abruptly stop and the thing talking to him with Dream’s voice fades into silence. 

“Ranboo!”

He jumps at the voice a few feet away and turns to look, seeing a familiar figure. “Techno? What are… you doing here?”

Techno heaves out a sigh, looking tired. “That’s what I should be asking you. Are you trying to freeze to death out here?”

Now that he’s not sucked into his own head he can’t feel his limbs, noticing the fact he is shaking violently. He almost doesn’t care. He might not even remember if he froze to death. Maybe he deserves it. That wasn’t the question however so Ranboo mutters a small, “no…”

There’s suddenly something warm draped around his shoulders and Techno’s pulling him to his feet. “Come on, let’s get back to the house.”

 _‘Look at you causing more problems for them. I don’t know why they don’t just leave me alone. We’re broken. Memory and morals. We’ll put them in danger.’_ “I blew it up… Everyone hates me. They’ll find out eventually. They were so sad when they saw it was gone. It wasn’t Tommy, it was me.”

“Huh?”

“I did it. I think. And I can’t forgive myself.”

Techno stops walking, even with the house’s lights shining through the snowstorm nearby. “I’m not sure what you’re mumbling about. Regardless of what happened, you need to get warm, not focus on what you did or didn’t do.” Techno continues walking, guiding him forward without waiting for a response.

It’s a daze, and Ranboo’s not sure why when he looks back. He has to blame the cold for why he can’t remember making it to the house and sitting down in front of the fireplace. Techno sat next to him, nursing his mug while staring at the fire. 

_‘So I did it? **Yeah.** And how do you know this? Who exactly are you? **I told you earlier.** ’ _Ranboo noticed it earlier when he was too focused on the anxiety coursing through him than any logical thought, but the voice had started to sound more like someone talking to him, rather than him speaking to himself. _‘There’s no way you’re me. **I am.** ’ _Familiarity hits him. _‘Why do you sound like Dream? **You should be asking yourself that.** You are me. **Not the part you should be asking that question to.** What do you mean by that? There’s only one part of me. **You seriously don’t recognise me?** I-’ _

Ranboo is momentarily pulled out of his trance when the mug in his hands- _He was holding that?_ -is removed from him and placed on the floor, still within reach. “You’re shaking, the worst thing you need right now is to spill boiling liquid on yourself.” Techno wasn’t looking at him. Ranboo hadn’t even realised he was shaking so badly until the other pointed it out. It wasn’t from the cold, they’d been inside long enough to not be that cold anymore. He felt overwhelmed.

He doesn’t give Techno a response, pulling his knees to his chest. Fabric brushes against his arms and he almost flinches. The thing that was placed on him earlier is still there, and Ranboo takes the time to look at it. He reaches back to hold up a side of it, not wanting to take it off, it is quite warm. A cape, a similar pattern on it like the one's Techno and Phil wear, light blue with white accents, warmed him as it settled on his shoulders. “What’s this?”

Techno glances over to see him referring to the cape. “Phil made it for you before he left, but he couldn’t give it to you because you were out doing something and he had to go back to L’manberg. When Chat told me you were outside I knew you were going to be freezing so I grabbed it.”

Ranboo has to think about that. He knew what this meant, receiving such a thing from the two of them, but with everything he’s done, revealed… should he stay here? He doesn’t want to put Techno and Phil in any more danger. It almost hurts to think about and he needs a distraction, so he focuses on the small detail in Techno’s sentence. “Chat told you?” He hopes the other takes his hint of much-needed conversation.

The hybrid nods. “Yeah, I told you they could be helpful. They’re omniscient or something like that, so they knew exactly where you were.”

“So, they knew even though you couldn’t possibly have known?”

With that go-ahead Techno launches into a full explanation, content to distract Ranboo with answers to his questions if he wanted. “They don’t share my senses. It took a long time for me to figure that out. It was when they started telling me things I couldn’t possibly know that I understood they’re not just something my mind is making up. Chat is their own entity. They are a mass of multiple voices all with different personalities, thoughts, and desires. They don’t have a physical form, and how they’ve tried to explain it before is that they can see what’s happening in places, and with people, but their voices only reach me.” Techno says and Ranboo eagerly takes in the information.

It was interesting. Someone like Techno existing with something like that. “So they know what’s going on, literally everywhere on the server right now?”

Techno nods. “Yeah. Hey Chat, what’s Phil up to right now?” A few seconds pass. “They said he’s talking to Ghostbur, but ultimately trying to get both of them to bed. They can also tell what’s going on in other servers as well, but they’re usually focused on the one I’m in.”

“That’s really useful. I mean… It must be a pain to hear them all the time.” Ranboo might not have had voices like Chat, but his own thoughts could overwhelm him and not know when to stop. He can understand. “It seems to have its ups and downs.”

“Yeah.”

The two fall into silence once more and Ranboo picks his mug back up, taking careful sips of the chocolate liquid. It isn’t truly silent on either of their ends though. Chat is constantly speaking in Techno’s ears, and Ranboo is actively trying to ignore his own thoughts.

 _‘ **You can’t ignore me forever.** You’re right, but until I know what you are I will. **I’M SICK OF YOUR IGNORANT NAIVETY!** ’_ Ranboo flinches harshly at the volume. He can see Techno’s concerned glance and he shakes his head. “It’s not important, I’m fine.” Techno doesn’t say anything but Ranboo knows he’s not convinced. Thankfully the other knows when to drop something. _‘_ ** _How long can you continue to deny the truth when it’s right in front of you?! You know the truth. You can sense it deep down. You know what and who I am, you’re just not listening!’_**

Ranboo has a headache. It’s absurdly late, he just wants to sleep. He needs to write everything down before he does. “Hey, Techno?”

There’s a hum in response.

“This is kind of a hard question, but I uh… need to know. Do you… know how I died? I can’t remember and I must have forgotten to write it down as well.”

Techno gives Ranboo a look, it’s mostly undefinable but he can make out what looks like maybe... pity? “I don’t think it’s best I tell you right now, you still seem shaken up. Write down that it happened and I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

He wants to know now, but if Techno says he should wait then it must be for a good reason. “Okay.” Ranboo stands. “I’m going to go update my book and try to go to sleep. Sorry for waking you, and thanks… for helping me.”

There’s a hint of a smile from Techno. “No problem.”

Ranboo makes his way upstairs to his bed, setting the mug on his nightstand as he grabs his book off the floor. He sits on the bed, wincing with the intensity of the headache. He’d stressed himself out too much earlier. It was common for his headaches to come after an attack.

Opening the book he looks at the smile on the first page. It was a painful reminder. Why did he keep this version of the book? Why hasn’t he made a new one?

Ranboo makes a frustrated noise as he brings a hand to his head. He has so many questions with no answers. The pain is growing unbearable. They were bad sometimes, but not like this. The Ender hybrid sets his book to the side and props his elbows on his knees, head in hands. His eyes squeeze shut against the onslaught. It was almost like his head was splitting apart, even thinking hurt. _‘What’s going on with me?’_

Then suddenly, everything stops. The pain is gone, and the hybrid can think clearly. He lets out a shaky sigh of relief, sitting up straight. Looking at the book, still open to the smile, he grabs it. He flips through the book once more, sighing at the lack of information before going back to the first page.

**“We’re going to remember... everything, Ranboo.”**

He starts by writing his second note, right next to the first to mark it again.

_**:)** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man that chapter was- difficult, and I'm not entirely sure why.
> 
> The "voice" is not another side of Ranboo, it's not his other half that's not Enderman (Ranboo said it's not ghast), or a Dreamon (though I love that theory). I'm not going to give away what it is until the release of Chapter 3, because if someone wants to theorise it I don't wanna ruin the "surprise".
> 
> Speaking of Chapter 3, I haven't started writing it yet, and I'm not even sure how it's 100% gonna go, so who knows when that'll come out. It shouldn't take more than a week though now that I'm out of my block.
> 
> I hope you all have a wonderful day <3


	3. Just An Update

I really hate that I have to do update chapter like this is Fanfiction.net all over again or something.

Hey guys, so about this chapter being done in less than a week... haha... ugh. My motivation didn't stop, this story is still my baby, but I for some reason did not realise how much of this chapter was not planned.

I'm not going to drag this out, I have no clue what to do for this chapter other then one event that can't happen smoothly in the beginning. I haven't been able to focus on this chapter as much as I've wanted, so for now, I can't tell you how long it's going to take. I'm not even going to guess. I can just say it won't take "forever" and that I will _**never**_ drop this story, and leave it at that.

This is far more stressful than I thought it'd be because I've never uploaded as I write, I usually have some chapters stocked up between uploads so I have plenty time to have blocks without impeding your guys' reading experience.

In the end, haha I'm so stressed for letting you guys and myself down, upload schedule? Who's that, never heard of them?

I'll- I'll go work on the chapter now...

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to yell at me via my Twitter [@AyonixAni](https://twitter.com/AyonixAni). I've started posting about upcoming fic ideas if you wanna know what's on the agenda next.


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